{parenting is not for the faint of HEART}

I love being a mommy but it is not easy.

I have had some very difficult phases in my parenting journey. I have felt completely desperate at times. When Paige and Grant were babies {they were born just 19 months a part} and I had two in diapers & very little support I was a mess. I was completely overwhelmed all.of.the.time. I prayed moment by moment to get through my days. When Aaron would have to work a couple of days at a time and the kids were sick or going through a tough stage in behavior I felt like I was drowning in desperate thoughts all the time. I felt completely alone. I remember a friend encouraging me with the phrase: the days are long but the years are short. I loved it and I hated it at the same time. The days felt so long that I just couldn’t believe, or totally trust, that the years would be short. I felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. And my feelings made me feel like a failure as a mom. The more difficult it got with the kids, the worse I felt about myself and then that made me feel more impatient with the kids and then that made me feel even worse about myself.

I sort-of lost who I was. I didn’t recognize myself. Where was the confident person that had sustained me through each stage of my life? Where was the girl who trusted the Lord and asked for help without feeling guilty? Where was the girl who dreamed of getting married and becoming a mom? I was cranky with the kids every moment of every day. I was mad all the time at how my life was going. I was confused about how hard it was and I was unprepared for the difficulty of it all. I did not know where to turn. I was lonely. I was tired. I wanted help but didn’t even know where to begin to find it. It was just hard all.of.the.time.

I eventually made it out of that funk. I share my feelings about it because I’m pretty certain I’m not the only person who has ever felt that way. Motherhood takes you through so many highs and lows and I’m so thankful the days like that are few and far between.

If you can relate…you are not alone. I’m telling you that you will get through this!

I now know that: the days are long but the years are short.